Natty Lighten Your Load

Thursday night was spent at a vegan pizza party complete with lots of cheap beer. The cheap beer looks great on the receipt and goes down smooth one after another. It also is ideal for, what the kids call, "shotgunning". (google it if you don't know.) So the first few rounds consisted of extra garlicky garlic bread with Tecates to wash it down. The second course had me devouring a olive, onion, and spicy vegan sausage. Washed that course down with a few coors lights aka Silverbullets. Desert crowded everyone into the kitchen to share vegan chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and shootgun a couple Budweisers. After dinner we all sat around flicking quaters into a glass in an attempt to get each other beyond drunk. Then the Natty Lights showed up...
...Morning hit with veracity. Sun beaming through my eyelids. I wanted to die. Every movement hurts. Don't touch me. Don't make me laugh. Oh no, achoo! Ouch!..Ok. at least i have a lunch date with lady and the burger bus (save that for another post)...
I run into the office at work and nearly run over my boss grabbing the keys to the bathroom. Running back down the hall with delicate short leaps as to not shake anything loose I can hear laughter back from my office. I yell back "when you gotta go you..." I've made it to the bathroom before the sentence can be finished. This poop plopped the surface of the toilet water like a little mound of mud. The displacement had it floating like a boogie board. The type of poop that just makes you think "please don't be clogged." Famous last words.